What Are You Running For?
I used to count miles and track pace. Now I count birds and identify species.
Running. is special to me, as it is for millions of others who are nodding their heads right now in symbiotic understanding of this mixed emotion runners feel — a deep affection for something that is as adoring as it is apprehending. It begets that feeling of, ‘I want to do this but do I want to do this?’
I started running the summer after my senior year of high school. I could barely make it around the block from my house, huffing and puffing and questioning my decision to try, but I didn’t give up and by the end of the summer I was up to four blocks - about a mile around the little subdivision in my tiny home town of Warrensburg, Illinois. Go Cardinals.
From there, running was intermittent as college took over and motivation waned. When I met Jonathan in 2006 it kicked back in and I ran my first race, a 5-miler. I was hooked and more sore than I had ever been.
Since then running has always been part of my life. From the 10K Canal Connection in Utica, Illinois, where Jonathan and I said “I do” at the finish line to three marathons, two trail 20-milers, one 50k to several 5ks, 10ks and half marathons - road and trail. I’m really proud of my marathon PR - 3:43 at Lake Chelan, Washington - and other small race victories like that time I placed first for women in a 5k on the beach in North Carolina. .
Since opening a small business 10 years ago and all that comes with being a husband and wife duo running a completely independent small business through Covid, personal loss, financial tightness and more - the energy for racing has not been there.
Although the racing stopped the love for running did not. The reason just shifted - both due to life and priorities changing but also due to personal growth and internal reflection. When I didn’t feel like lacing up I had to ask myself:
Running amid Camas lilies!
What am I running for?
I used to count miles and track pace. Now I count birds and identify species.
Running to me is nature, meditation … freedom.
Which is great BUT the nice thing about signing up for a race is the built in motivation - beauty of goals giving us direction. When you’re training for a half marathon weeks ahead it’s harder to skip runs. For a long time I struggled finding new motivation. It’s a weird shift for me to prefer the “ease” of a strength or cardio workout over a run. Of course that’s in large part because I have easy access to the best workouts, they feel great and they ensure a solid cardio and strength base for running so I know deep down I CAN run anytime – I’ve just found it hard to WANT to in the moment.
One of the things I work on with my health coaching clients is not negotiating. The more we negotiate in the moment with the goals we set the easier it is to talk ourselves out of it time and time again.
I took my own advice and committed to at least once a week running by myself. I somewhat frequently go for a group run or a run with Jonathan which are both much easier motivators, i.e. the power of Community (our Spears Strong Word of the Year)! I’m a social butterfly so doing hard things is much more appealing with others.
But I can’t always lean on others and the time spent alone in nature is pretty unbeatable. Yes, mom, I promise I’m being safe!). To stay safe I carry protective gear, wear bright clothes and go on a popular trail in the daylight. Jonathan also tracks my location.
I’m proud to say I’ve stuck to this commitment for over a month now and here’s what I learned and experienced.
Lower your expectations and allow yourself time to build to where you want to be. I tell clients all the time, the hardest thing about making changes is accepting where you are now. It’s going to take time, effort and energy.I told myself to go slow, do some FARing (our Form Awareness Run which is a very slow pace) and accept what the run is. It’s not about how fast I can go or how far.
It’s about how many birds I can see! Yes, I am obsessed with birds. I highly recommend it.
Music is helpful. I renamed my run playlist, “Get to Run,” reminding myself this is a gift and my training affords me the luxury of no fear of injury or setback.
Turn the music off. I like to spend some time listening to the birds and making sure I'm aware of my surroundings (for safety and trail etiquette). It also helps me realize if my breathing is out of control, which is hard to notice with music in your ears.
Limit yourself to one or two photos. I really love to share my experiences and have a hard time just enjoying the moment so it’s important I allow some photos, but not too many and take some days off documenting the run.
Stay in the moment. I found my mind wandering as minds do – and often I would be writing this blog post in my head. I had to remind myself the point is to experience meditative movement in nature, time solely for me to connect with my body moving through nature.
Resist the urge to identify birds. This may be the toughest part. I have the Merlin ID app which uses AI to capture bird sounds and then tell you the species. It’s the best but if I allowed myself this I would definitely not finish the run in time to get to work. To help with this I make sure to carve out other time for slow walks and bird watching.
However, I did take some mental notes of birds observed - for my fellow birders: three egrets (white herons), several robins including one that let me get super close because I was doing the FAR and being super calm, one great blue heron, a few spotted towhees, one house finch with its bright red chest, about 8 male common mergansers - a note about these I did take a photo and look it up after - these ducks are so special as we’ve seen the females who are even cooler with reddish brown mohawks and her adorable puffy head babies. I also saw a couple ospreys, many unidentified birds and several bird mirages, which is a weird branch or leaf that I get overly excited about and mistake for an eagle or hawk.
My advice: If you're struggling to find motivation, whether it’s running, other activities or anything in life, ask yourself “What am I doing it for?” Finding an internal motivation that excites you and brings meaning to your life - like bird watching and being one with nature for me - will not only motivate you initially but it will keep you motivated, and happy, for the long-term, and when it gets tough.
I’m not writing off racing forever and will likely do it again and see how fast and far I can go, but it’s no longer the driving force. The internal motivation for me is time in nature and keeping my run legs strong so I can keep up with Jonathan (well as much as anyone can keep up with Jonathan) and continue to run with friends.
In short: I run for fun. I run for living life.
And, of course, I run to see more birds.
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